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  • Writer's pictureScarlett Demy

Missed Connections

I love browsing the missed connections section on Craigslist. I read the stories with awe and fascination …and then wonder if maybe the characters in all these almost—could-have-been love stories ever made it back around to each other. I imagine the statistical probability of such things is quite low, which makes it even more intriguing that these people were so nostalgic as to try to post on an obscure forum.


The common tonality in their voices is a feeling of regret. The choice was always one of fear or love.


Here are the manifestations of the fear:


Pride


The person had the pride of not wanting to chase, yet if no one initiates or shows interest then all that’s left is a stalemate of two people left alone and wondering, wandering the labyrinths within their own minds.


Vulnerability


Rejection is one of the deepest fears. One often rationalizes not taking the risk of being rejected with rationalizations like “she probably has a boyfriend” or “I’m probably not his type” or “insert excuse here that will keep me safe from ever having to feel rejected or unwanted.”


Social norms


Defaulting to online confines of safety. Is it really awkward to follow our human need for connection? The real kind where you can see smell and touch a person?

Gender norms create confusion as to whether to pursue or retreat. Ideas of looking ‘too desperate’ or ‘thirsty’ keep one from trying altogether. It’s easier to retreat to the ubiquitous unsatisfying structured world of online dating.


If I could speak to them, I would tell them to choose love through these remedies:


Courage


Be personal. Speak up. Use your voice. Give love to everyone you meet everywhere you go. Smile, say hello and don’t discriminate as to whether there is a need to connect so that your default mode is that you are always connecting with everyone.


Presence


Don’t rush from place to place. Be present always so that you can read the cues from your intuition that tell you there may be a wonderful connection to be made within your environment.


Self Love


Relieve the pressure of rejection and unworthiness by becoming healed, whole and worthy within yourself. Heal old traumas through the wealth of spiritual practices readily available to you. Loving yourself makes your energy open and inviting so that connection flow and are effortless.


Clear Communication


Learn the dance between playfully watching the energy of an interaction build and knowing when to state your interest clearly. The worst that can happen is simply a ‘no’ that redirects you to the abundance of opportunities with other people who are more aligned with your energy. Rejection is a quick and sudden sting that quickly dissipates. Regret is a more difficult consequence that lingers and gnaws.


Authenticity


Be yourself and be unique. It’s so much more satisfying than wearing a mask to fit a mold that society created for you.


I wonder and hope that the magic and synchronicity of the universe will bring these beings back around to their missed connections.

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